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 Post subject: Avoiding arguments
PostPosted: Tue Aug 04, 2009 8:05 am 
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Generally speaking, this forum is one of the most mature, intelligent and respectful communities I have ever had the pleasure to be a part of. Occasionally, however, I do see cases where certain comments escalate into a full blown argument and, yes, I have been part of this in one or two threads myself.

In all cases, however, I see that really there was never any intention to cause offense in the first place, but obviously once someone IS offended (even unintentionally), then it is human nature to defend oneself and even tempting to throw some offense back, which then escalates because the recipient does not understand why the other person has suddenly become offensive.

One suggestion to stop this happening in future, let's see if it works:

If you ever feel offended by a post:

1. Stop, calm down and take a break from the forum, rather than impulsively defending yourself with counter-offensive statements.

2. Assume that the other person did NOT mean to cause any offense (because in reality this covers 99.9% of all the original comments I have seen).

3. Come back to the forum and either ignore the post, or ask simple questions to clarify what the person actually meant,: "What do you mean? How should I respond?", etc. Stick to questions only (non-sarcastic!), and don't reply with any statements until you understand what the person intended.

This is a fantastic forum. I do not believe there is ever any intention here to cause offense, so put yourself in the shoes of the other person as soon as you feel slightly offended, and ask questions to clarify, if necessary.

And one other point, remember that the :lol: icon can be misunderstood as laughing AT someone ( :lol: :( ), rather than laughing WITH them ( :lol: :lol: ), so use this with care, but also assume that anyone else using it intends to laugh with you, and not at you.

RTPF - Respect. Tolerance. Peace. Fun.

:D

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Last edited by KelvinS on Tue Aug 04, 2009 8:50 am, edited 3 times in total.

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 Post subject: Re: Avoiding arguments
PostPosted: Tue Aug 04, 2009 8:09 am 
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Very well put, this is an important thread.

FART: Fun and Respectful Toleranceness (I know toleranceness isn't a word but I think this is a funnier acronym :D).

Alex

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 Post subject: Re: Avoiding arguments
PostPosted: Tue Aug 04, 2009 8:10 am 
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Nice writeup! I've got one thing to add, if you want to be sarcastic, clarify you're being sarcastic using a smiley:

"This thread makes absolutely no sense :P"

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 Post subject: Re: Avoiding arguments
PostPosted: Tue Aug 04, 2009 8:12 am 
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OMG TomZ, you are already breaking the kindness guidelines! :D Insulting the thread by saying it makes no sense. :P.

Alex

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 Post subject: Re: Avoiding arguments
PostPosted: Tue Aug 04, 2009 8:29 am 
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Also, I suggest that if anyone HAS recently been involved in an argument, go back through the thread and try to understand:

1. What the person may have intended when you first became offended.
2. What the person may have understood when you did not mean to offend.

The point is put yourself in THEIR shoes, not your own.

That's what I did and I realize it was just a silly misunderstanding, with nobody to blame.

RTPF

:D

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 Post subject: Re: Avoiding arguments
PostPosted: Tue Aug 04, 2009 8:51 am 
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FART :D

Alex

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 Post subject: Re: Avoiding arguments
PostPosted: Tue Aug 04, 2009 8:55 am 
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APJ wrote:
FART :D

Alex

Kelvin Stott wrote:
Generally speaking, this forum is one of the most mature, intelligent and respectful communities I have ever had the pleasure to be a part of....

:lol:

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 Post subject: Re: Avoiding arguments
PostPosted: Tue Aug 04, 2009 9:04 am 
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Kelvin Stott wrote:
APJ wrote:
FART :D

Alex

Kelvin Stott wrote:
Generally speaking, this forum is one of the most mature, intelligent and respectful communities I have ever had the pleasure to be a part of....

:lol:


2 out of 3 ain't bad :D :lol:.

Seriously though, look at the second post. I explained it.

Alex

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 Post subject: Re: Avoiding arguments
PostPosted: Tue Aug 04, 2009 9:09 am 
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I know, in this case I was intending to laugh with you, at the irony of my own initial remark. This is a good (but intentional) example of how misunderstandings can occur. Sorry to bait you like that, to reinforce what I have been saying, so thanks for your contribution. :wink:

FART :D

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Last edited by KelvinS on Tue Aug 04, 2009 9:14 am, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: Avoiding arguments
PostPosted: Tue Aug 04, 2009 9:12 am 
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I hate you now, you are the worst person in the world! :cry:

Joking :D. I've got to admit, that was very clever though.

Alex

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 Post subject: Re: Avoiding arguments
PostPosted: Tue Aug 04, 2009 9:16 am 
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:wink:

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 Post subject: Re: Avoiding arguments
PostPosted: Tue Aug 04, 2009 11:25 am 
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And if none of that works and you are still misbehaving, be prepared to get a pm from YOUR MOTHER I WILL make you boys behave!
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:


Isn't that a scary thought!

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 Post subject: Re: Avoiding arguments
PostPosted: Tue Aug 04, 2009 11:47 am 
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katsmom wrote:
And if none of that works and you are still misbehaving, be prepared to get a pm from YOUR MOTHER I WILL make you boys behave!
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:


Isn't that a scary thought!



Whenever anyone acts like children here, that'd be the best bet! ;) :lol: :lol:

You know Rox, you have become the 'mother' figure around here. :D (not that that is a bad thing or anything; you'd still have milf status hehe)

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 Post subject: Re: Avoiding arguments
PostPosted: Tue Aug 04, 2009 11:56 am 
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reeeech wrote:
you'd still have milf status hehe

:shock: :lol: :lol: :lol:

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 Post subject: Re: Avoiding arguments
PostPosted: Tue Aug 04, 2009 12:53 pm 
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i agree with your point 100 percent.

the problem i keep seeing is other people talking down to other people

whenever I get caught up in little arguments, that is mostly the reason.... i know that I should not refute back to it, but sometimes it flat out makes me mad

i will remember FART :D

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 Post subject: Re: Avoiding arguments
PostPosted: Sun Aug 16, 2009 8:02 pm 
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Another good option is to PM a friend with what you were about to post and get a second opinion. Ask them if you are missing anything, perhaps they will have a perspective you can't see in the moment.

Lately my posts have been fewer but longer. A long post tends to mean I spend time writing it, and often do a lot of editing and rewriting which gives me time to think things over.
So If people check with a friend and, in general, post fewer quick and short posts and I think forum quality will go up, and arguments down :)

Dave

P.S. Oh yeah: The Preview button is your friend.

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 Post subject: Re: Avoiding arguments
PostPosted: Mon Aug 17, 2009 6:19 pm 
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I think that in a social setting like this one that if someone pisses you off you should feel free to pm them and ask them why they said whatever it was that pissed you off.

David J

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